Four easy edits for your first draft
When I go over first drafts, there are generally four writing habits I notice every time that can pull the reader out of the story. Don’t worry, they’re easy to find and fix. Let me break it down for you.
Picturing “a moment”
I ache for all the little spaces for contemplation and hesitation. We gravitate toward these “moments” because a silent beat can pack a punch just as powerful as powerful dialogue. Gimme inner turmoil, angst, agony!! Let the “moment” speak for itself, revealing a crucial fact, emotion, or tension.
First off, symptoms. When you are tired, others can tell, right? Your posture becomes more slouched or your tone flatter than usual. There will always be signs. If a character was “thinking for a moment,” what would that look like? Does she play with the hem of her shirt? Are her arms akimbo while she takes a deep breath? Show, not tell. 😁
Sensory details are my favorite. I love it when an author zooms in on what the character is feeling, hearing, smelling “in that moment.” Doing this also helps ground the character in the setting, making them and their situation feel tangible. For example: “She lingered, the wind rustling the trees growing louder and louder in her head.”
Lastly, the passage of time. How can that be expressed with using our favorite phrase? Aside from the obvious—describing the movement of the sun and elongation of the shadows—consider actions that mark a duration of time. The wilt of a neglected houseplant, the journey of a turntable needle, the coffee going cold. Not only does it show us a certain amount of time has passed, it gives us a sneak peek into the character themselves.
The four verbs of the apocalypse
You know what they are: nodding, shrugging, smiling, and raised eyebrows. I’m not saying you have to get rid of every instance of them. (I’m a big fan of expressive eyebrows, especially.) My suggestion is to be aware of all the instances of it as well as who is doing it. In addition to spacing them throughout the manuscript so that it doesn’t feel like a default reaction, make sure the reactions are consistent with your characters. They can’t all have a habit of quirking their eyebrows at everything. Your readers will thank you.
Seems, Appears, Feels like filler words
These words are what I like to call “passive feeling” and they could inadvertently weaken your prose. That being said, when utilized strategically, they can work to your storytelling’s advantage, indicating perception over fact. Say your story is a mystery and a detective is tracking a suspect. Using “seems to” or “appears to” works great here because it conveys subjectivity and uncertainty from the character’s POV.
Outside of that, aim for direct, stronger verbs for clarity and impact. Check this out: “He appears to be troubled by the revelation.” vs. “The revelation stiffened his shoulders.” Big difference, right?
And then what?
“And then” crops up often as a way to express suddenness or describe a sequence of actions. However, this tends to bog down the pacing of a scene the author worked hard to build up. Cut straight into the action and let the readers feel the whirlwind rhythm of the scene! For example, instead of “She rolled away. And then, she pulled out her ultimate weapon.” Try “She rolled away past the guards, her hands unsheathing her ultimate weapon.” (It also helps to read it out loud; the pauses become obvious.)
Similar to active vs. passive voice, “and then” gives an arbitrary tone to the story. Strive to connect facts and events harmoniously rather than approach it as bullet points.
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I hope you guys found this helpful. Tackling initial edits can be daunting at times, so I’m glad to have blogged out what the start of that can look like. More to come!
